The
purpose of these stages is to lead the individual toward inner reflection and
personal examination, which allow them to set life/character goals for
themselves. It also is intended to help guide the process of asking the
universal questions “Am I good?” and “Am I lovable?” which precedes or
sometimes follows the questions “Is God good?” and “Does God love me?”
The first three stages are what I call the competitive stages. Life and personal identity is viewed as a competitive game throughout these seasons (This is especially apparent in men). In these first three stages the goals in life are to make the team, followed by making the right team, followed by becoming a recognizable and impressive member of the team.
The last three, starting with The
Wall, I call the love stages. It’s in the process of these stages that
we grow less concerned about our own and others perception of us and we
transition to a deeper awareness and appreciation of the world around us.
It’s not the case that higher or
later stages are better than earlier stages just as it’s not the case that an
elderly man is better than an adolescent man. All of the stages are a necessary
part of growing up. You can’t skip stages, each builds on the previous
experience, and again it’s not as if we are better people as adults then we
were as children we have simply undergone more experiences and greater
suffering.
The stages are very fluid and we
can move back and forth regularly, and we can experience more than one at a
time. I believe that we do have a “home stage” (Hagberg) that best
characterizes our current season of life. If we can’t identify a home stage it
may be because we are in transition from one stage to the next. We’ll often
revisit old stages but it’s as if we experience the previous stages from a
deeper more mature perspective much like being somewhere for the second or
third time we begin to see the place differently.
The journey through the stages is
to be perceived as progressive, yet cyclical.
This grid isn’t the answer and
shouldn’t be given too much authority. And the initial tendency for most
will be to quickly locate oneself in a particular stage to set their mind at
ease. This isn’t a bad thing, but the objective behind this identity grid is
simply in the hope that an individual will begin asking meaningful questions
regarding the lenses through which they view their life and faith.
Stage 1- Powerlessness & Initial Recognition:
In this stage you find yourself
with recognition and even an awe of God. It’s also the most vulnerable place
where your imagination and thoughts are influenced by the perceived authority
figures in one’s life. The moods, actions, and stories of those in authority
over you are powerful shapers and the powerless person tends to simply imitate
these characteristics. And the powerless person tends to give blind obedience
to these powerful figures.
In this place of vulnerability and
immaturity, this person needs clean clear cut solutions to problems. There’s
not room for more then one “right” answer. Paradoxical thinking and mysteries
are far removed from one’s paradigm of thinking. God outside of the box is
scary and avoided here. Because of this place of mostly black and white
thinking, creativity is hard to come by and not viewed as a spiritual
attribute.
Since the powerless person’s
insecure confrontation with life can be from a fear-based approach, they tend
to become easily defensive and some are quick to anger. Because sincere
consideration of the “other” is so difficult here, personal identity is formed
by manipulating, degrading, and taking cuts at others.
The Powerless person will be
plagued by the “if only’s” or the “I should’s” perspective because of the
dogged pursuit of reaching a place of certainty and control or the next level
of faith and acceptance. “If only I make the team, then I’ll be a valued
somebody.” This person is so powerless because they remain highly
dependent on something external to himself/herself.
Stage 2 - Association:
The person finding their identity
through association believes that “I’m good because I play on the right team.”
Loyalty to the team is one of this individual’s best (& worst) traits.
Affiliation with the team (political party, religious denomination,
corporation, etc.) becomes a substitute for one’s own inner sense of identity. Similar
to the first stage, this is also a conformist stage of faith and identity again
is formed nearly entirely outside of oneself. When you ask, “How are you
doing?” They jump right in to talking about the status of their team.
The captain of the team and other
authority figures within the system posses heavy control over the individual
here. You give them all your power and place weighty expectations on their
leadership to fulfill you in ways they’ll never be able to.
The dark side… Admiration of the team
can very quickly turn to hatred/resentment when the team doesn’t meet your
needs or meet your expectations. This is why people can “go postal” toward the
government, the military, former employers, etc. If we’ve put all our eggs in
that basket without any deep sense of our own identity then we’ll project our
anger upon them. (We’ve all been there, havn’t we?)
Stage 3 - Symbol & Productivity:
For most ministries and
corporations when you’ve reached this stage you have essentially “arrived.” You
are noticeably confident and productive and perceived by many to be effective
at what you do. In Robert Johnson’s terms from his book, “HE”, you have
“killed the Red Knight.” Here you may be adorned with the title, lead pastor or
CEO of the company, the ones perceived to have the most power, the leaders of
the tribe. This is the ultimate level of the competitive stages. “I’m winning
the game because I’ve become an impressive recognizable member of a good
team." The accumulation of perceived successes and symbols (professional
titles, bigger bank accounts, written books, etc.) can make it easy to become
stuck here. You can always fall back on your achievements.
Sometimes from the perspective of
later stage individuals, you can be seen as striving to conquer those authority figures from early on in
your life that didn’t seem to believe in you, but to the rest of us, you’re
simply perceived as a distinguished leader
For the ministry person in these
first three stages, The Great Commission is mostly about making everyone else a
Christian.
Stage 4 - The Wall:
By whatever means you’ve been led
to a place where the ego has been shockingly undercut here. This place has
caused you to lose your motivation to continue competing. The prior answers you
used to fall back on just don’t seem to cut it anymore. (This place has been
described by St. John of the Cross as a “Dark night of the soul.”)
On the front end of the wall this
is a fight against God who seems to have become stubbornly silent with you. You
feel you’ve been ripped off. Your expectations of the way life was supposed to
go have been unfairly shattered.
Possible reasons for reaching the
Wall… Perhaps you’ve been cut from the team, Perhaps some form of crisis
occurred, such as the death of a friend or family member… Perhaps your work has
led to severe burnout… or you’ve endured a prolonged season of which your
paradigms of thinking have undergone some major shifts. All of these are
possible sources for finding oneself at The Wall. Whatever the source, you’ve
lost certainty in a number of things you once had excessive confidence in. Your
sense of personal identity, your image of God is now up in the air... seemingly
lost (especially from other people’s perspective).
This place has you beginning to
confront your contradictions and you begin to realize that you have often been
a hypocrite in past stages, a fake that worked out of selfish motivations at
times. Some may begin asking, “How often have I been motivated primarily out of
shame and guilt from myself and others?”
In this silence you now have to
face the tensions of life and you now know that you can’t run from paradox and
mysteries. You begin to become aware of presumptions and prejudices that have
been built from your particular background within a social class, religious
tradition, ethnic group, etc. and you may begin questioning how all those
presumptions have determined your perspective on truth.
It’s as if you’ve acquired an
ability to step back from yourself and observe your own inner battles taking
place. You may not necessarily know how to move on from them but you do
recognize them, which may feel weird and frustrating
It can be a most uncomfortable
season and when most people encounter the wall they avoid real entry and
instead bounce back into the stages they’ve been familiar with. Most people
will not confront the questions that the Wall wants them to ask. Some can go
throughout all of life avoiding them. Coping mechanisms are most attractive
here, as you desire to escape the unfamiliarity, the tension and exhaustion…
One day you seem to operate out of genuine love and selflessness and the next
day you long for the old titles and symbols that gave you such assurance of
yourself.
On the back end of The Wall you may
begin to hear God’s voice again, but you struggle with what you think you’re
hearing. You begin to recognize that you had to go through this and that you
can’t move on toward the “full life” without encountering and going through
“The Wall.”
Stage 5 – Re-orientation & Outward Journey:
A stage of re-orientation; The Wall
allowed you to recognize your areas of self-absorption and those areas begin to
die down a bit as you begin experiencing genuine compassion for others. In past
stages you could be demanding of others, but in this place of processing and
re-orientation you begin to learn patience with others, which naturally flows
from a growing patience with yourself. You can now truly listen to others
without agenda without jumping in to make sure you are heard and accepted
yourself. Along with being a better listener, you now consistently feel genuine
empathy for others and have a growing knack at instilling dignity in those that
most need it.
You can now positively critique the
competition-filled life and the team that you formerly believed your identity
was so wrapped up in and you can do it in a healthy way.
Your being and doing become more
integrated as you see them now informing each other and there’s less of a
dramatic pendulum swing from one to the other in this stage. This person can
finally mentor others but ironically this person doesn’t need to lead or mentor
anybody to support their personal identity.
At this stage, time with others
(especially those severely disadvantaged) informs your life and your
understanding of Jesus’ love. Paradox and even ambiguity doesn’t freak you out
anymore and you’re willing to rest in mystery and are beginning to recognize
there’s so much more unknowns in life far outnumber the knowns. This person
begins to realize at greater depth that God is especially fond of them and they
are motivated out of that realization and motivated out of shame and guilt far
less often.
The image of this place is of hands
that were once tightly gripped together are now beginning to open and you
release your one desperate desire for control and certainty.
Stage 6 - Known Purpose:
This type of mature stage is so
difficult to describe because so few people actually experience it regularly.
People with known purpose have come to terms with what they are and what they
are not. You can sniff out fear before it overwhelms you
and you confront it from a place of wisdom and power.
You no longer feel the need to
defend yourself and protect your identity anymore. You no longer feel
resentment toward God or yourself. You’ve faced your dark side and can now be
honest about it. You no longer live out of pretense… because you recognize that
there’s really nothing to live up to. You can consistently let go of the
expectations on yourself and others and know at deep levels what it is to
approach life with wide-eyed expectancy. You accept your limitations and you
know that you belong, have your place, and unique purpose in the world.
Individuals with known purpose can truly live in the moment without driving
doggedly to achieve something more.
Out of this place you can be humble
yet be a visionary at the same time. You posses a humble confidence that my
life was not an accident and that I need to get out of the way and allow God to
carry out his work in using me to help and heal others. I don’t need to impose
my role or my strengths anymore because there’s a distinct sense that I’m not
doing it, rather it’s being done to me. You know that God is going to lead you
to talk to the people that need the healing of Jesus and so you truly stop
forcing things.
(Major sources for the development of these stages are Janet Hagberg’s work in her books Real Power as well as The Critical Journey, Richard Rohr’s work especially in his talk titled Men & Power. Other sources include the works of James Fowler and Robert A. Johnson.)
Ryan,
Very insightful!
As with most stage theories, I find myself able to relate to them all-even the ones I don't want to-and moving back and forth within them even within the same prayer, day, or week! :)
Laura
Posted by: Laura K | June 22, 2009 at 09:12 PM
Hey Laura, thanks.
Hagberg says, and I agree, that we'll have symptoms of all the stages throughout the course of a day, but we operate most consistently out of a home stage. It does feel weird to read those beginning stages and realize I've displayed several of those characteristics already today. Yuck!
Posted by: Ryan | June 23, 2009 at 09:07 AM
"Bam. . ." as Emeril would exclaim!
First, your contemplation of the other work to weave it to your own is very commendable.
I happen to be a Kansas junkie (music group) and Kerry Livgren in his day with them wrote "The Wall". The lyrics seem to give some additional insight to the Outward Journey.
But perhaps you shed light on my journey as a way of figuring out in the spiritual map of life, "you are here". I can understand why some might think you can identify with each stage, however you are dead on in the concept of a "home stage."
I operate in Stage Five right now. I can say that not in any form of "look at me" way, but there is a compassion that I have for people and that has become a driving force. Trust me, as I type this some might be tempted to think, "Nolte sure thinks he has it figured out!" But the reality is, I don't have anything figured out based on my life. Rather I have my place in my Father's Kingdom secured. That allows me to say, "gosh, don't have a clue about that."
There are some great conversational in roads here. This is non-threatening, door opening conversation into how a individual relates to God.
This is important stuff. I would love to see how you took the individual stages of the authors and blended it with your own thought.
Keep it up brother. Planning on being in Colorado in October, perhaps this could be the trip that I can connect in person!
DN
Posted by: Doug Nolte | June 24, 2009 at 09:28 AM
Thanks Doug, I'm continuing to develop this stuff, so I'm glad you saw it as a beneficial tool. Exactly, it's meant to be a map.
I'd caution folks from trying to locate their spot on the grid too quickly, because my main objective is to simply provoke people to think and begin to ask questions about their identity and faith.
I'll see you in October.
Posted by: Ryan | June 26, 2009 at 11:01 AM
In your assessment, have you considered giving the reader some tools to help place them into the grid?
I imagine that as you wrote this, you relied heavily on your placement by experience. While others such as I might be able to do so, is there a way to unpack that more?
I am running into to many people who are in the conundrum of figuring out where they are and what to do. I have attached a link to an article in our local paper the other day. give it a read and let me know what you think.
http://www.kansas.com/living/religion/story/869541.html
Posted by: Doug Nolte | June 29, 2009 at 02:39 PM