The idol of familiarity

There are many idols out there seducing us like sirens luring us into the rocks of complacency or distraction. The ones we most quickly name are in the moral realm of sexuality, material greed, and the stuff of the overt deadly sins. But it seems the idols that deserve our focused prayer energy are those that are typically hidden to us. One of the more subtle and accepted of all idols is that of familiarity. Our addiction to familiarity impacts everything- politics, the church, and the relationships that we value the most.

We’re all creatures of distinct habits and routines. And shouldn’t a level of familiarity be perceived as a gift? As babies familiarity is vital for a healthy life. When Josiah was an infant establishing familiar routines of feeding, sleeping, and affection was the gift Angie and I were responsible to provide. Creating familiarity for others and desiring it for yourself is appropriate during certain seasons.

The Apostle Paul makes it known that there is a time for that in our spirituality as well, “I gave you milk, not solid food, because you were not yet ready for it yet.”

But over time the security of the familiar can actually become one of life’s biggest stumbling blocks for transformation and healthy relationships with the Other.

John O’Donohue in his book, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, writes, “Behind the façade of the familiar, strange things await us. This is true of our homes, the place where we live, and, indeed, of those with whom we live. Friendships and relationships suffer immense numbing through the mechanism of familiarization. We reduce the wildness and mystery of person and landscape to the external, familiar image. Yet the familiarity is merely a façade. Familiarity enables us to tame, control, and ultimately forget the mystery. We make our peace with the surface as image and we stay away from the Otherness and fecund turbulence of the unknown that it masks. Familiarity is one of the most subtle and pervasive forms of human alienation.” (p90-91)

For most of us that would bother to read this post, poverty is a place of unfamiliarity. It’s what we’ve been conditioned to instinctually avoid. And if we encounter poverty we often see it as something to be conquered or fixed. And with that posture we miss out on the deep connection with the Incarnation who was unashamedly poor himself and spent the majority of his days with the poor… not as a fixer but as a friend.

Poverty encompasses a lot of conditions, including that of death. And what is more unfamiliar and avoided than that? Yet, Jesus, our archetype, a poor man, chose not to avoid suffering and death.

Like O’Donohue says, “Behind the façade of the familiar, strange things await us.” The possibility of what is included within “strange things” is intimidating if not overwhelming. It will certainly include an awkward encounter with the strangeness of the Other. For some it’s the illegal immigrant, for others the homosexual, or the gang member. Even worse it might include a face- to-face encounter with the poverty of my true self, those realities of my own personal story that I just don’t know what to do with.

We’re never more poor than when we are feeling most lonely and out of control. And all of us are well acquainted with this aspect of poverty if we’re willing to admit it. Behind the façade of all the sophisticated distractions afforded to us by the American Dream lies the joy of deep connection, but if we’re not willing to admit our idolization and addiction to familiarity we’ll continue to avoid it.

So what is most unfamiliar to me… to us? Nowadays, I’m actually terrified of the strangeness of the shopping mall. For you it might be joining me to meet new friends at the Coffee House. When we discover what that place of unfamiliarity is and begin to engage it I believe it is then that we accept the ever-present invitation to transformation. 

 

Comments

[A Twitter User]

Your calling is clear. One thing necessary to encourage people to move from the familiar to unfamiliar is the voice of a friend. Continue to invite and encourage involment with your calling. Well done my friend.

[Ryan]

Thanks for this, Doug. Lots of wisdom wrapped up in what you said here. The need for invitation and space to be involved is what I'm getting after in this season. It's hard. Thanks for your prayer, encouragement, and support.