Thomas Merton, one of the most well read and influential contemplatives of church history was apparently not all that appreciated among his peers in his own monastery. The reason? He observed the monks around him and claimed they were not really deep contemplatives but rather a community of introverts who found comfort in landing in a community of people just like them!
I wonder how true this is of us today?
I have known more than my share of friends who have entered a season of life so submerged with questions and inner upheaval and in that process struggled finding a welcoming community that is prepared for that type of poverty. The one calm harbor you’d hope for solace and friendship is sometimes the hardest place when your spirituality has hit that proverbial wall.
In Janet Hagberg’s popular book, The Critical Journey, in which she works off of Fowler, Jung, and other stage developers, The Wall is that stage where things just aren’t working anymore and you feel there’s got to be more. Many would call this a dark night of the self where the ego has seen itself as false and discovers there’s a tragic gap -- a painful distance between me and God.
The reason these folks can't find a welcoming climate in most spiritual communities is because along their journey most of these communities as a whole have stopped short of the Wall themselves. They’ve seen the rabbit hole that Alice fell down and thought to themselves going down into that darkness will take too long and I just might never make it out. So, we keep generating ideas, performing and producing with our win/lose mentalities knowing that these are the necessary ingredients in the funding source stew. Though this stew leaves the feeling of slavery more than sustenance the threat of powerlessness keeps us anxiously stirring it.
Sadly, within this competitive matrix those suffering through the tumultuous work of a dark night become misfits and freaks who eventually are sat aside on a shelf labeled “needing to be fixed.”
The stage of producing, performing, and associating in which Hagberg would label as Stage 3 is so easy to become caged within. The majority become stuck here unconsciously running on the wheel because they are surrounded by other racing rats still trying to achieve their esteemed level of speed and fitness.
Exiting stage 3 is a necessary albeit terrifying movement toward a deeper more whole way of spirituality. Henri Nouwen is persuaded that “there is a ministry in which our leaving creates space for God’s spirit and in which, by our absence, God can become present in a new way.” (The Living Reminder, 44)
I can only imagine what some of our favorite contemplatives like Nouwen would say about our caged presence through social mediums like Facebook…
The exiting I’m proposing is not the isolated way of the hermit, but rather a quiet cooperation with the Spirit who sometimes requires an appropriate backing off and withdrawal. As those caged in stage 3 we can easily find ourselves “in danger of no longer being the way, but being in the way; of no longer speaking and acting in his name, but in ours; of no longer pointing to the Lord who sustains, but only to our own distracting personalities” (LR 47-48).
And for those who find themselves hitting the wall and on their way down there is always an intriguing point of orientation found in Christ who lights the pathway for exiting as referenced in the Philipians song...
"Who being in God's very nature, did not consider equality with God something to use to his own advantage; rather he emptied himself ... even to the point of death."
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