I loved young Kobe. Creative, curious, and relentlessly driven, he had that Ken Griffey Jr. smile and an infectious likeable energy. Kobe Bryant was a different type of athlete with an unusual intelligence and a pursuit of greatness that was off the charts.
Then I became triggered. The character issues were impossible to ignore as I started to read reports of how challenging he was to play with. At one point, Coach Phil Jackson labeled him, “uncoachable.” He would isolate himself from teammates as if he didn’t want to stoop to their low level. Apparently, that relentless instinct to be the best was a consuming force that created division and ridiculous amounts of unfriendly tension. We observed teammates walking away from him in shame like pups with their tail between their legs.
Then there was the criminal case where he was accused of raping a hotel employee. I concluded at this point that the man was so intoxicated off his own power and passion, not only was he a divisive control freak but now an abuser of women. Just another unhinged self-absorbed athlete who left a trail of hurt in his wake.
My verdict was in. My judgments were solid.
What do my judgments say about me?
I long to be a man of deep trustworthy character and one of the character flaws I struggle with most are public displays of self-righteousness and shameless arrogance.
And yet I couldn’t stop watching and even admiring the way he approached his work.
Throughout my life, I’ve watched plenty of cocky athletes but Kobe was set apart. For many athletes, in high pressure moments, you could see through the cracks in their armor as shreds of shame and self-doubt shone through.
Kobe seemingly possessed no self-doubt. And to be honest, perhaps that’s what I most resented about him.
Over time, I’ve learned to carefully examine my resentments because my resentments typically say far more about me then they do the object of my resentment. In this case, Kobe, an extraordinary man about my age with no signs of self-doubt exposed something within me that longs for a life flowing with greater self-assurance.
Over the years we witnessed what seemed to be an evolution in his character. Our favorite stories become our favorite stories due to what they tell us about ourselves. There are some stories that allow us to see ourselves a little clearer. Whether you grew up on Crenshaw or among cornfields, Kobe’s life was that kind of narrative.
As the years went on, we witnessed a once seemingly self-absorbed athlete begin to laugh at himself and smile more frequently and genuinely as he posed for thousands of pictures with fans. He wasn’t silent over issues of social justice but he didn’t just copy and paste the hot takes either. He had his own distinct thought process and expressions. He seemed to begin to recognize that he was a voice for the voiceless which included becoming a passionate champion for female athletes. His care and compassion for others only seemed to be on the rise.
In recent years, it was rare to see Kobe without his family and most recently he and his daughter Gigi seemed inseparable. The way his wife and daughters looked at him revealed a man whose character was headed in a redeemed direction, a man who gave his admirers hope. Indeed, it seemed he was just getting started with the rest of his life and I’m sad we won’t be able to witness that ongoing evolution.
Kobe, you never stopped evolving and somehow you even pushed this pastor to better myself for the sake of the world. In your life and even in your passing I received a paradoxical invitation to trust myself more while judging others less. Thank you.
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